We are born into the world by generations of sexual beings. From Tāne and Hineahuone through to our parents, whakapapa ties us together and provides space to see ourselves reflected in the generations before us, and generations to come. He momo tonu - true to form, we carry within us elements of our tūpuna in the fullness and diversity of their being. What is whakapapa? As Māori, whakapapa isn’t just family history. It encompasses our connections to tūpuna, whenua and whānau. Tane, one of the sons of Papatūānuku and Ranginui, is credited with creating the first human, a woman named Hineahuone. To give Hineahuone human life, he united the strands of ira atua and ira tangata and breathed life into her. Ira atua gave her a lineage from ātua and Ira tangata gave her a connection to future generations. Through Hineahuone, we inherit ira atua. Our whakapapa affirms our intrinsic value as the descendants of ātua. We also inherit ira tangata. Our whakapapa gives us significance, knowing we are special and belong unconditionally, through connections to past and future generations of our whānau. It can be hard being Māori Sometimes, racism and discrimination can make us feel like being Māori is bad. This isn't true! There is no one way of being Māori, and there are huge amounts of beauty, wisdom, joy and belonging to be found in our culture. Strengthening whakapapa Marae can be safe spaces to reconnect with whakapapa, reo and tikanga, that can help us to make meaning of who we are. They provide space where being Māori is comfortable, and our wellbeing is prioritised, but they aren't the only way to strengthen our whakapapa. Sometimes we may not be able to reconnect with our marae. Some people learn te reo Māori, connect through mahi toi, connect to te taiao or explore whānau connections. Connections to tūpuna and tūrangawaewae Connecting to our tūpuna can help validate us as descendants of people like us, who have faced similar challenges, and found ways through. We can learn from their journeys and the mātauranga or wisdom our tūpuna share with us. Learning their stories, and carrying with us the tools that we think would be helpful in our lives is a way to carry mātauranga through our whakapapa Connecting to our tūrangawaewae bring us into the spaces our ancestors used to be and can support our connection to them. These spaces can help us know that we belong, we are tangata whenua and we have a right to be ourselves in our own lands. These days many of us live in cities far away from the lands our ancestors roamed. Knowing our tūrangawaewae can connect us to the histories, lives and wairua of our tūpuna as we journey through different spaces in our lives. Dynamics of whanaungatanga Whanaungatanga are the things we do to make connections and strengthen our bonds with others in our community. Whanaungatanga gives us a safety net, help us work together, watch how people relate to others, and decide how we want to create relationships in our own lives. Validating our identities Knowing our whakapapa, our tūpuna, our tūrangawaewae and drawing on whanaungatanga can help us create our own pathways. Clearing space for us to be present and accepted within our whakapapa gives us space to be the expert in our own lives, exercise our mana, and choose what qualities and attributes can best serve us in different spaces, and into the future.
Whakapapa
Oriori were songs written for the birth of a child and sung to them as lullabies. They included descriptions of the environment at the time and place of birth. They also included the influence of atua, people who were present, and the attributes and qualities or gifts they imparted to the child to take with them. The meaning and intent behind the child’s name may also be revealed. People take oriori with them as a reminder of their uniqueness, potential, and the qualities and attributes they have inherited. Source – Munroe & Kohu Morgan (2006). Oriori A Lullaby. Go Tuatara Limited.
Oriori
Everyone is born with mana. Mana is the esteem we inherit at birth from our whakapapa to atua, tangata, and whenua. In our interactions with others, mana can be enhanced, nurtured, or strengthened. This might make us feel good. But we also need to be careful because others can strip, change, deplete, damage, or abuse our mana through their interactions with us. This might make us feel stink. It is important to notice the patterns of how we feel with different people because this can clue us into people are respecting our mana or not. Our mana can be strengthened by others who encourage us to use our voice to tell people about how we feel or give us support to realise our power to make decisions about our lives and enhance our sense of honour and authority. We can connect to our mana can through knowing who we are, where we come from, and why we are here.
Mana
Everyone is born with tapu. Tapu refers to the sacredness of our human lives, our bodies, interactions, and places. We can recognise the things that keep us safe and protected and set our boundaries as best we can. Tapu is often spoken about in relation to small elements of tikanga. For instance, it’s tapu to sit on the table because that can make us physically unwell. Our heads are tapu so it’s important to wear a helmet when are cycling in case we crash. Rahui are placed on an area when places become tapu to restrict people from accessing them, like when shellfish reserves are low and need to replenish to be available over a long term. There are some contexts where we automatically know what to do to protect ourselves. Some are more complex. Tapu can also be spoken about in relation to bigger aspects of tikanga. For instance, we might be under the protection of the atua in events like childbirth, warfare, or death. When we talk of tapu, we are talking about the spaces where we might be navigating unseen elements. Te whare tangata is tapu because it is the house of humanity, and the place where new life moves from te ao wairua into te ao mārama. As we become sexual beings we may get caught up in the joy of exploration rather than an awareness of our mana and tapu in relationships.
Tapu
Mātauranga Māori
In Ngāpuhi, people are often asked who they are through the phrase ‘ko wai koe?’ that literally translates to ‘from what waters do you descend?’ An understanding of who we are is informed by our relationships and connection to Aotearoa by the waka (canoe) our ancestors took to get here, our maunga (mountains), our moana (bodies of waters), and our ancestral and ongoing obligations in connection with iwi (tribe), hapū (sub-tribe) marae (ancestral meeting house), and tūpuna (primary ancestor). We understand the quality of our relationships with these objects, places and people through the notions of mana and tapu.
Ko wai koe?
Mātauranga Rohe
We often hear that gender and sexuality occur along a spectrum, but what does that mean? The easiest way to think of a spectrum is to think of a rainbow. We tend to think of them as separate colours so we can make sense of them, but really all of the colours blend seamlessly together. Sexuality and gender are the same. As a society, we notice the different qualities and attributes people have, but these differences aren't set in stone and can change over time or in different spaces. Gender and sexuality are also fluid, our tūpuna knew that over time we might change and grow into new ways of being and new ways of being attracted to one another. There is no right or wrong way to express your gender or sexuality. We are all unique and vibrant.
Spectrum
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Mātauranga
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What it means to be you
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Mātauranga
The Top Tech Gifts
We are born into the world by generations of sexual beings. From Tāne and Hineahuone through to our parents, whakapapa ties us together and provides space to see ourselves reflected in the generations before us, and generations to come. He momo tonu - true to form, we carry within us elements of our tūpuna in the fullness and diversity of their being.
What is whakapapa?
As Māori, whakapapa isn’t just family history. It encompasses our connections to tūpuna, whenua and whānau. Tane, one of the sons of Papatūānuku and Ranginui, is credited with creating the first human, a woman named Hineahuone. To give Hineahuone human life, he united the strands of ira atua and ira tangata and breathed life into her. Ira atua gave her a lineage from ātua and Ira tangata gave her a connection to future generations.
Through Hineahuone, we inherit ira atua. Our whakapapa affirms our intrinsic value as the descendants of ātua. We also inherit ira tangata. Our whakapapa gives us significance, knowing we are special and belong unconditionally, through connections to past and future generations of our whānau.
It can be hard being Māori
Sometimes, racism and discrimination can make us feel like being Māori is bad. This isn't true! There is no one way of being Māori, and there are huge amounts of beauty, wisdom, joy and belonging to be found in our culture.
Strengthening whakapapa
Marae can be safe spaces to reconnect with whakapapa, reo and tikanga, that can help us to make meaning of who we are. They provide space where being Māori is comfortable, and our wellbeing is prioritised, but they aren't the only way to strengthen our whakapapa. Sometimes we may not be able to reconnect with our marae. Some people learn te reo Māori, connect through mahi toi, connect to te taiao or explore whānau connections.
Connections to tūpuna and tūrangawaewae
Connecting to our tūpuna can help validate us as descendants of people like us, who have faced similar challenges, and found ways through. We can learn from their journeys and the mātauranga or wisdom our tūpuna share with us. Learning their stories, and carrying with us the tools that we think would be helpful in our lives is a way to carry mātauranga through our whakapapa
Connecting to our tūrangawaewae bring us into the spaces our ancestors used to be and can support our connection to them. These spaces can help us know that we belong, we are tangata whenua and we have a right to be ourselves in our own lands. These days many of us live in cities far away from the lands our ancestors roamed. Knowing our tūrangawaewae can connect us to the histories, lives and wairua of our tūpuna as we journey through different spaces in our lives.
Dynamics of whanaungatanga
Whanaungatanga are the things we do to make connections and strengthen our bonds with others in our community. Whanaungatanga gives us a safety net, help us work together, watch how people relate to others, and decide how we want to create relationships in our own lives.
Validating our identities
Knowing our whakapapa, our tūpuna, our tūrangawaewae and drawing on whanaungatanga can help us create our own pathways. Clearing space for us to be present and accepted within our whakapapa gives us space to be the expert in our own lives, exercise our mana, and choose what qualities and attributes can best serve us in different spaces, and into the future.
Mātauranga
Mauri
Mauri refers to the vitality and life force of people, places, animals, plants, and life forms. Our ihi – excitement, thrill, charm, and personal magnetism can be recognised by others. In turn, we might be moved to wehi – amazement, awe or fear by the appearance or actions of another person, place, or situation. We might be moved to wana - excitement, exhilaration, passion, sparkle, and delight. Our life force is influenced by our relationships with friends, whānau, lovers and others. It pays to be aware of how their actions make you feel, or make others feel! Mauri is passed down from our tūpuna through whakapapa, and drives our expression of āhuatanga - the characteristics and qualities that make us us. As we become sexual beings and start feeling the wehi and wana in different interactions, it’s important to keep our mana and tapu in mind so we can be safe and keep the spark alive. When we face different challenges, we might shift into a state of mauri moe, where our potential and vitality struggle to be realized. However, through growing our understanding of ourselves and our significance in the world, we can move through this toward mauri ora.
Matauranga Maori
Matauranga Maori
Pāua
Mere Whaanga-Schollum tells the tale of Tangaroa’s Gift, which speaks to the gentleness and kindness of tāne within Māori worldviews. Under the sea, Pāua had no shelter nor protection from the other creatures in the ocean and fell into loneliness. Pāua was heartbroken and felt ugly compared to everyone else. Tangaroa saw this and wept for the heartbroken Pāua. As one of the atua of the ocean, clearly it was Tangaroa’s role to protect and decorate Pāua, to show him that he too was special, unique and deserving of love. He said “I will take from my domain the coolest blues of the ocean, and ask of my brother Tāne for the most lush greens of the forest. From the dawn, you shall have a tinge of violet, from the sunset, a blush of pink and overall, you will shimmer.” Stories like this speak to the ways men should be able to care for and shelter one another without judgement, recognising the importance of feeling worthy of desire, worthy of love and being able to support those you love in feeling special.
Body sovereignty
Our lives are rich with relationships to our natural world, and our tikanga provides us with a duty to care for and protect their sacredness and beauty for generations to come. Our connection to an awa/maunga reveals our connection to Papatūānuku, our earth mother, and all her beauty. We also connect to Ranginui, our sky father, and his magnificence. Patriarchy as introduced through colonisation, normalised perspectives that positioned women as inferior to men, with less access to legal rights and control over their bodies. With an understanding of mana, tapu, whakapapa and the taonga that are our tinana, mātauranga Māori can lead us toward safer ways of understanding ourselves and others. We often hear talk of sovereignty – the right to self-determination over our lives and to enact kaitiakitanga over the taiao. It’s also important that we have body sovereignty – the right to self-determination over our tinana. Just as we can be kaitiaki for whenua, we should be kaitiaki for our bodies. Other people may undermine our sovereignty by restricting our choices or exerting themselves on us in ways that are unwanted. However, we have a fundamental right to make decisions and choices about our bodies. Whether it be for medical purposes, how we choose to eat, dress, or in sexual encounters, we have a right to control who has access to our bodies, and what that access looks like. As kaitiaki of our bodies, we also have a right to learn about our bodies. To know what we like and what we do not like, we should feel empowered in exploring our bodies in ways that are safe. Our bodies are our own, and no-one should know them better than we know them ourselves. We also have a right to sovereignty over our healing journeys if people have challenged our right to autonomy over our bodies. You are your ancestors’ wildest dreams!
Platonic and sexual attraction
What we see on television, music, and amongst our friends can give us unrealistic expectations about what people find attractive, and how people decide to be in a relationship. We hear stories all the time of friendships that evolve into something more by “following the right steps”, but in reality, attraction is much more complicated and people aren’t vending machines. There’s no formula for what to put in to get what you want. Sometimes relationships grow from friendships, sometimes relationships become friendships, and sometimes relationships might dissolve into “becoming strangers”. Sometimes it can be hard to recognise and name how we feel about someone. Platonic attraction is the feeling we get when we want to form relationships with people, share our time and minds with them. We might “like” someone as a friend, really enjoy their company and spend time together, but it doesn’t go beyond that. Sexual attraction is when we feel a sense of desire for someone, want to share our bodies, and find mutual sexual pleasure. We might find ourselves experiencing “butterflies” or a “buzzy feeling” when we are around them. We might find ourselves thinking about them all the time, waiting for them to call us. Platonic and sexual attraction can happen at the same time. These are the relationships we build when everyone involved is on the same page, wanting to share our bodies, our minds and our lives with each other. But, they don't always... Sexual attraction can be complicated. We might experience it all the time, occasionally, or even not at all. Sometimes our sexual attraction can wax and wane like the moon. Sexual attraction changes over our life span, when we’re stressed, with certain medications, for all sorts of reasons! It can be really crucial to get to know our bodies, to know what’s normal for us, what’s abnormal for us, and what sorts of things we are sexually attracted to. Being able to explore our bodies and our sexualities can help us better understand how we experience attraction. Sometimes we might not be attracted to people the same way they are attracted to us and this can cause challenges if we don’t realise what’s going on. If we don’t know better, we can often think there is something wrong with us or that we need to try harder but that is not necessarily true. We can’t always change who we are attracted to and can’t change a person who is not attracted to us. If you consistently don’t feel sexual attraction, you might be asexual, demisexual or greysexual. There is no right or wrong way to feel attraction. No matter where you fit within the spectrum of attraction, you are not alone and you are not "broken".
Taonga
Taonga are gifts or treasures. They can be physical items that people have given to us or that we have found. They can be qualities handed down to us by our ancestors, or memories we have made with our loved ones. Have you ever found, made, or been given a taonga, and fallen in love with it? How did you make decisions about how you looked after it? How would you protect your heart if this taonga was no longer yours to love? What do you do to care for the taonga or people you love in your life? As we become sexual beings, it can be helpful to remember that our tinana are taonga. When we are exploring sexuality with people we love and trust, they should care for our bodies like taonga and we should return that in kind. To share our sexuality with others, we need to know that they understand us as people rather than as a quick source of pleasure. If quick pleasure is what we are after, we have a duty to make sure that we are communicating properly, and not undermining the taonga that is another person’s tinana.
As we grow, we might encounter the experience of being attracted to someone in way that can be more than friends. Some rangatahi describe this as feeling “butterflies” or having a “buzzy” feeling. Other times our intuition might tell us to stay away from someone when we feel “goosebumps”. Take a journey with us to explore more about attraction and desire.
On this page you can explore cornerstone concepts, knowledges, practices, values and pūrākau from Te Ao Māori about sexual violence. Pūrākau like these help us to understand the dynamics of mana and tapu, and how we relate, enrich or diminish one another. Concepts from Te Ao Māori are noted in purple, concepts from specific iwi are noted in green, and social justice concepts that relate to our lives as Māori are noted in yellow.
Tēnā te ngaru whati,tēnā te ngaru puku
There is a wave that breaks, there is a wave that swells.
Sometimes our crushes might now like us back or relationships don’t work out. Things are just building up for something better.
Tōku tuakiri
Want to know more about attraction and desire?
Tōku tuakiri
Want to know more about attraction and desire?
Explore rangatahi pūrākau and enquiry questions that relate to attraction and desire
