Rangatahi pūrākau
These pūrākau are from some of the rangatahi interviews. They address challenges that can arise in a journey to becoming a sexual being. Each is followed by enquiry questions taken from the research interviews, these are designed support you to reflect on how they relate to people, how unhelpful ideas about gender and sexuality can impact them, and how they can create new ways of being and becoming sexual.
Explore more rangatahi pūrākau that might be helpful guidance in a journey to becoming a sexual being.
Cam's Story
Cam was really excited to get a partner. They had never had sex, but had always heard their older siblings talking about it. Sometimes they talked about things they liked and sometimes they talked about things they didn’t. Cam was pretty sure they knew what they liked, they’d seen a lot of porn and knew their body pretty well. Cam was pretty uncomfortable talking about their desire out loud though and started writing some short stories to explore what might be interesting, pleasurable and possible. Cam shared this with their best friend, and they decided to write some too. Eventually they were reading them out to their friends at lunchtime and everyone was writing their own too. At first, Cam thought this was weird but then realised this was an easy way to practice talking about these things with real people in real time. Over time, Cam and their friends became comfortable talking about their desires with people they were in relationships with.
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Do you have these conversations with friends?
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Have you ever had desires that scare you? If so, what do you do?
Lane's Story
Lane was in a relationship with someone she really admired but couldn’t find “the spark” that others talked about having in relationships that made her feel like she would be interested in having sex. Her friends said it was normal for girls to not want sex but that boys always wanted sex. Lane was scared it would hurt, it would be messy and gross, and that she would get pregnant straight away. Lane knew that everyone was alive due to their parents having sex and didn’t know why adults always seemed so excited to have babies. It wasn’t until they were in their 20’s that they lost their virginity. Lane was surprised that they were into it, they quite liked kissing their partner, snuggling and gently exploring each other’s bodies. Lane realised that sex in real life was quite different to the porn they had seen as a young person. Sex could be uncomfortable and unpleasant, but it didn’t have to revolve around penetration and could involve so much more intimacy and gentleness than they were aware of.
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What does society tell us about whether or not we should be having sex?
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How might we change our minds about what we want over time?
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How might our relationships shape our interest in sex, the sights, sounds, and smells, or not?
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How do we carve out space to be ourselves when society tells us we are wrong?