Ko wai au
Our website provides questions that allows you to reflect on what our research findings mean for you in the context of your life. You might also find these questions helpful in facilitating discussions with rangatahi about sex and sexuality in educational wānanga or guided individual exploration
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Where do you feel most comfortable being yourself?
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How do your experiences change in the different spaces you move through?
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Do you notice any differences in how your friends, parents or grandparents talk about gender?
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Are there things you’re expected to do because of your gender that don’t feel right?
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If you could choose, what things would you want to do?
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Do these match up with what other people expect of you?
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Is gender important to you?
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Where do you think our ideas of gender come from?
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How realistic is it that people will fit neatly within boxes of man or woman?
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Do you notice that sometimes you feel more comfortable doing things considered masculine and other times doing things considered feminine?
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What sorts of things would you like to do that don’t traditionally align with your gender?
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What do you think would happen if you leant into those activities?
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Where did you learn what it means to be a boy, a girl, or non-binary?
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How would it feel to do anything regardless of gender?
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How can we push back against pressures to fit in?
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How do we make space to be ourselves?
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How might gendered pressures push us into acting in ways that we don’t like?
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What small ways can we push back against these pressures so we can take up space to be ourselves?
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Do you have these conversations with friends?
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Have you ever had desires that scare you? If so, what do you do?
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What does society tell us about whether or not we should be having sex?
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How might we change our minds about what we want over time?
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How might our relationships shape our interest in sex, the sights, sounds, and smells, or not?
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How do we carve out space to be ourselves when society tells us we are wrong?
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Have you ever felt different to the people around you?
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How might the people around us limit how we express our gender and sexuality?
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How might our expectations about our sexuality and who we are attracted to change over time?
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How might learning more about sexuality and desire shape new possibilities for our lives?
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How might the people we spent time with change our expectations about sexuality?
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What kinds of relationships might we assume are heterosexual?
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How are straight couples be seen as normal?
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Why might it be easier to be straight or look like you are straight than other sexualities?
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How can we make space for people to be themselves?
How can we support the people around us in exploring their own identities?
How can we challenge the idea that non-binary, agender, or gender-fluid people are not the norm?
How can we push back on homophobia and transphobia while keeping ourselves safe?
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How might people stomp on the mana we have as wāhine?
How might colonial sexism or misogyny happen in people’s lives?
How come gender norms might cause people to misunderstand our confidence?
How can we support our friends in situations where we are unsure or scared?
What can we learn about gender through mātauranga and pūrakau about the mana of wāhine?
How could this be helpful in standing up to colonial sexism & misogyny?
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How might the patriarchy and colonial sexism cause people to misunderstand tāne?
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How might gender norms prevent tāne from feeling like it is safe to be sensitive and to just be friends with someone?
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What can we learn about how to honor and respect each other from mātauranga?
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What can understanding our own mana and tapu cause us to feel we are worthy of?
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How might colonial sexism create challenges for us?
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How might sexism create challenges for wāhine in understanding our desires and those of others?
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How might our expectations of the people in our lives change as we grow with them?
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What sorts of relationship tikanga do we want in our lives? How might this change over time, or with different people?
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What kinds of intimacy do we ignore if we only think about sex and what people expect from us?
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How might our relationship tikanga be unique and shaped by our previous experiences and hurts?
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How can we keep ourselves safe without setting boundaries that might stop others from setting their own boundaries?
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How do we stand up for ourselves when we aren’t enjoying what we’re doing?
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Why can it be hard to recognise coercion?
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How might figuring out your relationship tikanga with a partner from the get-go support you in discovering what you like and don’t like?
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How might relationship tikanga help you have good sex?
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What pressures are there in your peer group to start exploring relationships?
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How might this be different for boys, girls, and takataapui?
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How do you hold onto what you want when this might be different from what your friends say?
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Who could we ask for help to deal with people we don’t know asking for photos of us?
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How can we protect our taonga online?
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How do we know if someone is treating online chat like a game?
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How can we deal with sexism and misogyny online?
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How do we respect the mana and tapu of people we connect to online when they don’t want to keep contact?
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What are some safety strategies when meeting someone for the first time?
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What relationship tikanga can we act upon if we are pressured to share nudes?
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How do we draw support to resist pressures from friends?
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How do we navigate situations when a friend makes a move on us when we have a platonic friendship connection to them?
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How might we identify sexual coercion among those we trust?
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How might the porn people watch influence the way they go about sex?
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Enquiry questions
We have shared enquiry questions taken from the research interviews that are designed to provoke reflection about the platforms and topics. The questions can support rangatahi to reflect on how they relate to people, how unhelpful ideas about gender and sexuality can impact them, and how they can create new ways of being and becoming sexual.