We are born into the world by generations of sexual beings. From Tāne and Hineahuone through to our parents, whakapapa ties us together and provides space to see ourselves reflected in the generations before us, and generations to come. He momo tonu - true to form, we carry within us elements of our tūpuna in the fullness and diversity of their being. What is whakapapa? As Māori, whakapapa isn’t just family history. It encompasses our connections to tūpuna, whenua and whānau. Tane, one of the sons of Papatūānuku and Ranginui, is credited with creating the first human, a woman named Hineahuone. To give Hineahuone human life, he united the strands of ira atua and ira tangata and breathed life into her. Ira atua gave her a lineage from ātua and Ira tangata gave her a connection to future generations. Through Hineahuone, we inherit ira atua. Our whakapapa affirms our intrinsic value as the descendants of ātua. We also inherit ira tangata. Our whakapapa gives us significance, knowing we are special and belong unconditionally, through connections to past and future generations of our whānau. It can be hard being Māori Sometimes, racism and discrimination can make us feel like being Māori is bad. This isn't true! There is no one way of being Māori, and there are huge amounts of beauty, wisdom, joy and belonging to be found in our culture. Strengthening whakapapa Marae can be safe spaces to reconnect with whakapapa, reo and tikanga, that can help us to make meaning of who we are. They provide space where being Māori is comfortable, and our wellbeing is prioritised, but they aren't the only way to strengthen our whakapapa. Sometimes we may not be able to reconnect with our marae. Some people learn te reo Māori, connect through mahi toi, connect to te taiao or explore whānau connections. Connections to tūpuna and tūrangawaewae Connecting to our tūpuna can help validate us as descendants of people like us, who have faced similar challenges, and found ways through. We can learn from their journeys and the mātauranga or wisdom our tūpuna share with us. Learning their stories, and carrying with us the tools that we think would be helpful in our lives is a way to carry mātauranga through our whakapapa Connecting to our tūrangawaewae bring us into the spaces our ancestors used to be and can support our connection to them. These spaces can help us know that we belong, we are tangata whenua and we have a right to be ourselves in our own lands. These days many of us live in cities far away from the lands our ancestors roamed. Knowing our tūrangawaewae can connect us to the histories, lives and wairua of our tūpuna as we journey through different spaces in our lives. Dynamics of whanaungatanga Whanaungatanga are the things we do to make connections and strengthen our bonds with others in our community. Whanaungatanga gives us a safety net, help us work together, watch how people relate to others, and decide how we want to create relationships in our own lives. Validating our identities Knowing our whakapapa, our tūpuna, our tūrangawaewae and drawing on whanaungatanga can help us create our own pathways. Clearing space for us to be present and accepted within our whakapapa gives us space to be the expert in our own lives, exercise our mana, and choose what qualities and attributes can best serve us in different spaces, and into the future.
Whakapapa
Oriori were songs written for the birth of a child and sung to them as lullabies. They included descriptions of the environment at the time and place of birth. They also included the influence of atua, people who were present, and the attributes and qualities or gifts they imparted to the child to take with them. The meaning and intent behind the child’s name may also be revealed. People take oriori with them as a reminder of their uniqueness, potential, and the qualities and attributes they have inherited. Source – Munroe & Kohu Morgan (2006). Oriori A Lullaby. Go Tuatara Limited.
Oriori
Everyone is born with mana. Mana is the esteem we inherit at birth from our whakapapa to atua, tangata, and whenua. In our interactions with others, mana can be enhanced, nurtured, or strengthened. This might make us feel good. But we also need to be careful because others can strip, change, deplete, damage, or abuse our mana through their interactions with us. This might make us feel stink. It is important to notice the patterns of how we feel with different people because this can clue us into people are respecting our mana or not. Our mana can be strengthened by others who encourage us to use our voice to tell people about how we feel or give us support to realise our power to make decisions about our lives and enhance our sense of honour and authority. We can connect to our mana can through knowing who we are, where we come from, and why we are here.
Mana
Everyone is born with tapu. Tapu refers to the sacredness of our human lives, our bodies, interactions, and places. We can recognise the things that keep us safe and protected and set our boundaries as best we can. Tapu is often spoken about in relation to small elements of tikanga. For instance, it’s tapu to sit on the table because that can make us physically unwell. Our heads are tapu so it’s important to wear a helmet when are cycling in case we crash. Rahui are placed on an area when places become tapu to restrict people from accessing them, like when shellfish reserves are low and need to replenish to be available over a long term. There are some contexts where we automatically know what to do to protect ourselves. Some are more complex. Tapu can also be spoken about in relation to bigger aspects of tikanga. For instance, we might be under the protection of the atua in events like childbirth, warfare, or death. When we talk of tapu, we are talking about the spaces where we might be navigating unseen elements. Te whare tangata is tapu because it is the house of humanity, and the place where new life moves from te ao wairua into te ao mārama. As we become sexual beings we may get caught up in the joy of exploration rather than an awareness of our mana and tapu in relationships.
Tapu
Mātauranga Māori
In Ngāpuhi, people are often asked who they are through the phrase ‘ko wai koe?’ that literally translates to ‘from what waters do you descend?’ An understanding of who we are is informed by our relationships and connection to Aotearoa by the waka (canoe) our ancestors took to get here, our maunga (mountains), our moana (bodies of waters), and our ancestral and ongoing obligations in connection with iwi (tribe), hapū (sub-tribe) marae (ancestral meeting house), and tūpuna (primary ancestor). We understand the quality of our relationships with these objects, places and people through the notions of mana and tapu.
Ko wai koe?
Mātauranga Rohe
We often hear that gender and sexuality occur along a spectrum, but what does that mean? The easiest way to think of a spectrum is to think of a rainbow. We tend to think of them as separate colours so we can make sense of them, but really all of the colours blend seamlessly together. Sexuality and gender are the same. As a society, we notice the different qualities and attributes people have, but these differences aren't set in stone and can change over time or in different spaces. Gender and sexuality are also fluid, our tūpuna knew that over time we might change and grow into new ways of being and new ways of being attracted to one another. There is no right or wrong way to express your gender or sexuality. We are all unique and vibrant.
Spectrum
Tauiwi Knowledge
Mātauranga
about what it means to be you
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What it means to be you
Mātauranga
Mātauranga
The Top Tech Gifts
We are born into the world by generations of sexual beings. From Tāne and Hineahuone through to our parents, whakapapa ties us together and provides space to see ourselves reflected in the generations before us, and generations to come. He momo tonu - true to form, we carry within us elements of our tūpuna in the fullness and diversity of their being.
What is whakapapa?
As Māori, whakapapa isn’t just family history. It encompasses our connections to tūpuna, whenua and whānau. Tane, one of the sons of Papatūānuku and Ranginui, is credited with creating the first human, a woman named Hineahuone. To give Hineahuone human life, he united the strands of ira atua and ira tangata and breathed life into her. Ira atua gave her a lineage from ātua and Ira tangata gave her a connection to future generations.
Through Hineahuone, we inherit ira atua. Our whakapapa affirms our intrinsic value as the descendants of ātua. We also inherit ira tangata. Our whakapapa gives us significance, knowing we are special and belong unconditionally, through connections to past and future generations of our whānau.
It can be hard being Māori
Sometimes, racism and discrimination can make us feel like being Māori is bad. This isn't true! There is no one way of being Māori, and there are huge amounts of beauty, wisdom, joy and belonging to be found in our culture.
Strengthening whakapapa
Marae can be safe spaces to reconnect with whakapapa, reo and tikanga, that can help us to make meaning of who we are. They provide space where being Māori is comfortable, and our wellbeing is prioritised, but they aren't the only way to strengthen our whakapapa. Sometimes we may not be able to reconnect with our marae. Some people learn te reo Māori, connect through mahi toi, connect to te taiao or explore whānau connections.
Connections to tūpuna and tūrangawaewae
Connecting to our tūpuna can help validate us as descendants of people like us, who have faced similar challenges, and found ways through. We can learn from their journeys and the mātauranga or wisdom our tūpuna share with us. Learning their stories, and carrying with us the tools that we think would be helpful in our lives is a way to carry mātauranga through our whakapapa
Connecting to our tūrangawaewae bring us into the spaces our ancestors used to be and can support our connection to them. These spaces can help us know that we belong, we are tangata whenua and we have a right to be ourselves in our own lands. These days many of us live in cities far away from the lands our ancestors roamed. Knowing our tūrangawaewae can connect us to the histories, lives and wairua of our tūpuna as we journey through different spaces in our lives.
Dynamics of whanaungatanga
Whanaungatanga are the things we do to make connections and strengthen our bonds with others in our community. Whanaungatanga gives us a safety net, help us work together, watch how people relate to others, and decide how we want to create relationships in our own lives.
Validating our identities
Knowing our whakapapa, our tūpuna, our tūrangawaewae and drawing on whanaungatanga can help us create our own pathways. Clearing space for us to be present and accepted within our whakapapa gives us space to be the expert in our own lives, exercise our mana, and choose what qualities and attributes can best serve us in different spaces, and into the future.
Mātauranga
Matauranga Maori
Matauranga Maori
Navigating online to offline
Online spaces have opened whole new worlds for us to interact with and navigate. Like te orokohanga o te ao, the creation of this new world has created new opportunities and challenges. The internet might seem like it has been around forever, but not everyone grew up with it, and older generations are sometimes still catching up. However, because the online world is still human made, they bring the same sexism, racism, and colonial pressures that we see in the real world. Being online can come with range of new spaces where we can be ourselves, explore our sexuality in private, or in connection to selected others. Dating apps and social media have changed the game of meeting people. We get to craft and control how people see us. Apps like Instagram give us a constant feed of beautiful people, making the idea of sharing our bodies and using our appearances to access audiences and communities as something normal. Pornography websites and streaming services are also everywhere, giving us lots of examples of things we might think we should be doing, or think everybody else is doing. Our experiences online can be very different to our experiences offline. The way online spaces work, we can forget the people behind the photos. We all are unique, with our own qualities and personalities. Often, online spaces can push us into seeing people as less human and complex than they really are. We can forget about the mana, tapu and wairua of people we meet online. It is important to remember that the way we treat people in te ao mārama impacts our own mana and tapu. We need to try and carry that sense of respect and kindness into online spaces. While our lives are always going to include online spaces, the internet isn't the entirety of our lives.
Nudes
As Māori, our tūpuna never shied away from real bodies and representing sexuality in art. Whakairo are full of graphic representations of adult sexuality, as are our haka, our waiata, and our pūrākau. In modern-day contexts, it makes sense that we might similarly want to see our bodies and our sexualities reflected in the art and media we consume. Taking selfies can give us a chance to see our bodies in their fullness, beauty and uniqueness. Our whakairo are taonga, and our images of ourselves are taonga. Online dating and social media can make us think we should be sharing sexy selfies of ourselves with others. While taking sexy selfies can be a great way to feel comfortable with our bodies, we need to keep our mana and tapu central in our decisions about who we can trust with these taonga, and if these taonga are even safe to share. In modern times, there are laws to keep young people safe which mean it can be dangerous to take or have sexually suggestive or explicit photos of underage bodies. When we are older, and have built relationships with people we trust to prioritise our mana and tapu, we can draw on our own relationship tikanga and our intuition to help guide our decisions and keep us safe. This process is a two-way street. We should never assume people want intimate pictures from us. Rather, we need to make sure we’re keeping their mana and tapu safe, and only sharing things they have asked for which we are happy to share. Our whakairo are taonga, and our images of ourselves are taonga. As Māori, we have a long history of people stealing our taonga - intimate photos can also be stolen by other people. If someone has chosen to share intimate photos with you, or you have taken intimate photos together, you need to remember that sharing someone’s photos without their consent is a form of sexual violence. If we have been entrusted with the taonga of someone’s intimate photos, our mana is on the line if we choose to cross their boundaries.
Online dating
Apps like Tinder, Hinge, Bumble & Grindr can give us access to a different way of dating. We can join these online apps or slide into people’s DMs, try out our flirting and get more confident speaking with people we might be attracted to. Sometimes we might have different reasons for joining dating apps. Some people are looking for their forever person, some people are looking to scope out the field. Some people join apps to make new friends, and some join apps to make new friends with benefits. Other people are well experienced with these apps and can treat these apps like a game. Some people might even catfish you by using other people’s identity or photos to try and get something out of you. It’s important to know what your expectations are, and what the expectations of the person you are talking to are. Online apps are spaces where we can challenge sexism, express ourselves, & experience our sexuality. BUT they can also be places where we see people treating each other in harmful ways. When we are used to relationships that centre our mana and tapu, it can be really hard interacting with people who have learnt harmful ways to try and pique your interest. Some people are self-styled “pick up artists” and can try to convince others that negging, undermining, and belittling people are the best way to get them to pay you attention. We don’t need to “earn” bare minimum kindness from people. Online dating doesn’t give people an excuse to be cruel or inappropriate. When we interact with people on the internet, we often feel far safer than we do in the real world to share information that we otherwise might not. Social media & online dating give us unrestrained access to people's lives. The way we talk to people online is often far different from how we do in real life. It's important to think critically about how we interact with people online and how we go about meeting them in person. When online dating shifts to in-person, there are things that you can do to minimise the chances of encountering harm. We can’t always guarantee our own safety, but making sure our loved ones know where we are, where we are going, and who we are meeting is important. It may also be a good idea to not share personal details, like where you live, with someone you have only just started chatting with. Online dating can be fun and you may even meet your forever person, but until you know them better, it's important to set up your own tikanga to keep yourself safe and check in with friends and family if you are not sure.
Porn
Online spaces can give us access to all kinds of sexualised or sexually explicit content. Sometimes we might be curious about how bodies work, or what you are supposed to do in sex. It is important that when we are looking up that information that we make sure it is safe, realistic, and not demeaning of another’s mana and tapu. Porn is designed to excite and arouse and is often designed to appeal to what people assume a man would like. Many of these assumptions come from the same sexism, racism, and colonial pressures that shape our worlds offline. Porn is often shaped by western norms that don't acknowledge the mana & tapu of our bodies & sex. Porn can also lie to us. Actresses, actors and production companies are trying to make money and want you to believe they are enjoying what they are showing you. Sometimes, ‘porn’ videos are taken of people without their consent or shared without their consent. ‘Porn’ may actually be videos of people too young to consent. Porn can be challenging to make sense of, especially when we do not know what sources should be trustworthy. Porn can often give us unrealistic expectations. For example, that women might say no to sex, but still want it and enjoy it, that men must always be dominant, or that acts of physical violence are normal in sex. These are false expectations that people can sometimes take into their real-life relationships and cause real damage. It is important to be critical of what we consume and be aware of what we learn from it. It's important to remember consent and to be aware of how our online activity changes our understandings of real people, their tapu and mana, and that all of our bodies are taonga.
Puta ki te wheiao ki te ao mārama
Want to know more about relationship pressures online?
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Puta ki te wheiao ki te ao mārama
Want to know more about relationship pressures online?
We communicate and get to know people in real life and sometimes on the internet. It can be fun and exciting flirting with people and getting to know them online. But sometimes people can hide things about themselves or their intentions when we meet them online. People can also use the internet to bully and shame people who share private information with them. Take a journey with us to learn more about relationship pressures online.
On this page you can explore cornerstone concepts, knowledges, practices, values and pūrākau from Te Ao Māori about sexual violence. Pūrākau like these help us to understand the dynamics of mana and tapu, and how we relate, enrich or diminish one another. Concepts from Te Ao Māori are noted in purple, concepts from specific iwi are noted in green, and social justice concepts that relate to our lives as Māori are noted in yellow.
He au kei uta e taea te karo, he au kei te moana e kore e taea
You may dodge smoke on land, but you cannot dodge the current at sea (Elder, 2020).
Learn to spot signs of danger. Learn how to spot warning signs in people you meet online, offline and in relationships.
Explore rangatahi pūrākau and enquiry questions that relate to relationship pressures online
